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May Only Your Bracket Feel Busted

Last Updated: July 1, 2023

Your balls are snipped, and there you are.

We read the stories every year. As the NCAA Tournament approaches, urologists report an increase in men seeking vasectomies.

It makes sense: the procedure requires a day or two of recovery, so what better time to prevent future Diaper Dandies than the days when basketball dominates the airwaves from noon to midnight?

This year, Jack Link’s is prepared. Now through next Monday, the brand is offering 50 free tender meat care packages to men at home nursing their own tender meat.

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According to a press release, the care packages include the following:

  • Tender meat: This includes multiple bags of Jack Link’s Teriyaki Beef Jerky, Extra Tender Original Beef Steak Strips, BBQ Tender Bites, and Teriyaki Tender Bites.
  • One tender meat ice pack: Sometimes you have to ice the shooter.
  • One ball game that still functions: A mini basketball set to ensure your household still has balls that can get the job done.
  • One tender meat blanket: Wrap yourself in a meat cocoon to protect from predators during this vulnerable time.
  • One pair of Sasquatch socks: To “remind you of your Wild Side that was brave enough to get snipped in the first place,” per Jack Link’s.
  • One Ode to Your Load: A love letter from Jack Link’s, the text of which can be found below.

“Jack Link’s jerky is the perfect meat snack to have on-hand while watching sports,” Tracy Fleischhacker Quigley, Senior Brand Director, Jack Link’s said in a release. “It takes a lot of balls to get snipped and we know tournament season is a good time to kickback and recover. Our tender meat snacks will help take the mind off of the recovery so guys can focus on the thrill of the games and enjoy their favorite Jack Link’s protein snacks.”

Interested in getting snipped and getting snacks? Those daring to make cuts to their swim teams can enter here for a care package.

Hopefully, this will ease your mind if you and your favorite bubble team are hoping to make the cut next week.

More March Madness:

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About The Author
Russell Steinberg
Russell Steinberg
Russell Steinberg is an editor and writer at Boardroom. He came to the brand in 2021 with a decade of experience in sports journalism, primarily covering college basketball at SB Nation as a writer, reporter, and blog manager. In a previous life, he worked as a social media strategist and copywriter, handling accounts ranging from sports retail to luxury hotels and financial technology. Though he has mastered the subtweet, he kindly requests you @ him next time.