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What if Tom Brady to the Dolphins Actually Happened?

It sounds crazy, but it could have happened. If it did, what sort of chain reaction would it have set off?

If reports from the several weeks are to be believed, an Oceans 11-level operation to bring Tom Brady out of retirement to the Miami Dolphins was only thwarted by the timing of the Brian Flores lawsuit.

Here’s how it would’ve gone down:

  • After his retirement from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Feb. 1, Brady would’ve been named a minority owner of the team on around Feb. 6 and possibly received a high-level front office position like what Derek Jeter had with the Miami Marlins.
  • Brady then would have un-retired (like he did anyway) and forced a trade south from Tampa Bay to Miami.
  • To complete the planned heist, Miami would have hired the recently retired Sean Payton to join as head coach, with the Dolphins reportedly acknowledging that they’d approached New Orleans about a possible trade.
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But what if all three of these things worked and we were sitting here a week before the NFL Draft with the Brady-Payton combo in Miami? What else would’ve happened?

Everything below is reasonable:

  • Tyreek Hill would’ve had all the more reason to join the Dolphins over the New York Jets, giving Brady two high-level wide receivers along with Jaylen Waddle.
  • We all know that Brady would’ve convinced Rob Gronkowski to come aboard as well, providing a second dangerous tight end target to go with Mike Geisicki.
  • With Brady as a top draw, Miami would’ve vastly improved from its 17th-ranked road attendance numbers, hitting the top 10 even if the Dolphins struggled to make the playoffs in a stacked AFC.

Off the field, it would have been even more fun:

  • TB12 products would have been prominent all over South Beach, with supplements, exercise equipment and avocado ice cream becoming hotter and stickier than South Florida in August.
  • Brady would have been named the grand marshal for the Formula 1 race in Miami in May, giving Lewis Hamilton the pep talk he needed to take the Grand Prix and reignite his driver’s championship hopes.
  • The GOAT would have become close friends with Pat Riley, smoking weekly cigars with the Miami Heat president while they talk about all the championships they won, their favorite ring, and how rich they are.
  • With some money to burn and David Beckham incessantly texting him to hang out, Brady would have bought a minority stake in his Inter Miami MLS club.
  • Brady would have bought Jeter’s share in the Miami Marlins, scratching his long-dormant baseball itch that he’s had since the Montreal Expos drafted him as a catcher in the 18th round of the 1995 MLB draft. He then would have recruited players to sign with the Marlins, but gotten frustrated when ownership still didn’t want to spend money. He would, however, have succeeded in bringing back the absurd Art Deco center field sculpture that should never have been removed in the first place.

Alas, the deal fell through and Brady unretired to return to Tampa Bay. How boring. Brady ruling South Beach would’ve been far more intriguing.