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The Cheez-It Bowl is Everything Everywhere All at Once

How did the Cheez-It Bowl happen on two different sides of the country on the same day… BUT ALSO IN THE FUTURE?!? Let’s get to the bottom of this once and for all.

It ought to be a simple question: WHERE IS THE CHEEZ-IT BOWL PLAYED?

Moreover, WHEN is the Cheez-It Bowl played?

The unsuspecting college football fan would like to think that this query doesn’t require quantum theory, votive candles, chalk circles, or Hegelian dialectics in order to produce a satisfying answer. However, thanks to the tastiest of inanities on offer by late capitalism, even cursory Googling of these two quandaries renders several different responses that, while seemingly contradictory, are nonetheless “correct” in a glorious superposition of space and time.

From an orthodox perspective, this season’s Cheez-It Bowl took place at Camping World Stadium in Orlando Florida on Dec. 27, 2022. Casting an awry gaze on the matter, it also took place on the opposite side of the country at State Farm Stadium in Phoenix, Arizona on the very same day. If you’re ready to go full-on galaxy brain, the Cheez-It Bowl also does not happen until Jan. 2, 2023.

It would appear that the Cheez-It Bowl is everything everywhere all at once. Before our minds fracture and we get fully lost in the crispy, cheesy sauce forever, let’s get to the bottom of this and determine just what and when the Cheez-It Bowl was, is, and could be.

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The Gloriously Confusing History of the Cheez-It Bowl Game(s)

Cheez-It Bowl (2020-present)

Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Last result: Florida State 35, Oklahoma 32 (Dec. 27, 2022)
Previously known as: Camping World Bowl (2017–2019), Russell Athletic Bowl (2012–2016), Champs Sports Bowl (2004–2011), Mazda Tangerine Bowl (2002–2003), Visit Florida Tangerine Bowl (2001), MicronPC.com Bowl (1999–2000), MicronPC Bowl (1998), Carquest Bowl (1994–1997), Blockbuster Bowl (1990–1993)

WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE CONFUSION LEVEL: Nuclear

Cheez-It Bowl (2018, 2019)

Now known as: Guaranteed Rate Bowl (2020-present)
Location: Chase Field, Phoenix, Arizona (2018, 2019); State Farm Stadium, Phoenix, Arizona (2020-present)
Last result: Wisconsin 24, Oklahoma State 17 (Dec. 27, 2022)
Previously known as: Cactus Bowl (2017), Motel 6 Cactus Bowl (2016 x2), TicketCity Cactus Bowl (2015), Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl (2012–13), Insight Bowl (2002–11), Insight.com Bowl (1997–01), Copper Bowl (1996), Weiser Lock Copper Bowl (1992–95), Domino’s Pizza Copper Bowl (1990–91), Copper Bowl (1989)

WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE CONFUSION LEVEL: Severe

Cheez-It Citrus Bowl (2022-present)

Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Last result: Kentucky 20, Iowa 17 (Jan. 1, 2022)
This season’s matchup: LSU vs. Purdue (Jan. 2, 2023)
Previously known as: Vrbo Citrus Bowl (2019-21), Citrus Bowl presented by Overton’s (2018), Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl (2015–17), Capital One Bowl (2003–14), Capital One Florida Citrus Bowl (2001–02), Ourhouse.com Florida Citrus Bowl (2000), CompUSA Florida Citrus Bowl (1994–99), Florida Citrus Bowl (1983–93), Tangerine Bowl (1947–82)

WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE CONFUSION LEVEL: High

Key Takeaways From the Cheez-It Bowl Spacetime Conundrum

Okay. Hoooooo, boy. A knee, gang.

  1. This season, the current Cheez-It Bowl and the former Cheez-It Bowl (a.k.a. the Guaranteed Rate Bowl) took place on the same day
  2. The non-profit group Florida Citrus Sports operates both the current Cheez-It Bowl and the Cheez-It Citrus Bowl — it is unclear if the Kellogg Company cuts two separate checks for these sponsorship privileges or just one
  3. Both the Cheez-It Bowl (2001-03) and the Cheez-It Citrus Bowl (1947-82) have been called the Tangerine Bowl at different times in their respective histories
  4. The way we measure time and space is a social construct, and the way we perceive them is immutably subjective in such a way that while life may have no inherent meaning per se, we are afforded as sentient beings with reason and free will to determine that meaning for ourselves. Also, football.

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