What’s in a name? Maybe millions. Boardroom plays matchmaker to find the perfect brand partner for 10 Alabama NIL athletes hoping to become the next Kool-Aid McKinstry.
What’s the best way to arrest the attention of a brand perusing the celebrity endorsement market? A barrage of Instagram thirst traps probably doesn’t hurt, but if you’re already directly associated with a brand name synonymous with success to the point of dominance, you’ve got a priceless advantage in your favor.
In college football, that brand is the Alabama Crimson Tide. And that makes the market for Alabama NIL deals an absolutely booming one.
Aided by High Tide Traditions, a recently established third-party Alabama NIL collective, the football season arrives in Tuscaloosa with a full-on athletics-industrial complex behind it. And of all the brand deals Tide athletes are signing in the name, image, and likeness era, the current king is defensive back Ga’Quincy “Kool-Aid” McKinstry’s deal with Kool-Aid, which has got to be tied with Nebraska receiver Decoldest Crawford’s pact with an air conditioning company for the title of most perfectly literal, sensical endorsement ever.
That got us thinking — who else on the Bama roster could earn big-time dollars by leveraging something as simple as their name alone? Let Boardroom play matchmaker and propose 10 Alabama NIL deals that actually make too much sense.
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Alabama Football NIL Deals We Want to See
DL Damon Payne Jr. + Tylenol
- Class: Redshirt freshman
- Hometown: Columbia, South Carolina
- Why we picked Tylenol: When Damon delivers the Payne, you’re gonna need something to make it stop.
- Other brand(s) we recommend: Glass Doctor
WR Isaiah Bond + the US Department of the Treasury
- Class: Freshman
- Hometown: Buford, Georgia
- Why we picked the US Treasury: GZA was right when he implored us to diversify our bonds. And no offense to Benjamin Franklin, but the Treasury Department could use a fresher face.
- Other brand(s) we recommend: The 007 franchise
LB Keanu Koht + the John Wick franchise
- Class: Redshirt freshman
- Hometown: Vero Beach, Florida
- Why we picked John Wick: Besides being deliriously fun, he can say “I’M THINKING I’M BACK” for at least one more season and as many as three.
- Other brand(s) we recommend: Matrix Professional Hair Care
DL Monkell Goodwine + Robert Mondavi Winery
- Class: Redshirt freshman
- Hometown: Upper Marlboro, Maryland
- Why we chose Robert Mondavi: You may not think that one of the most popular wine labels in the business needs a viral marketing campaign that’s 100% subtlety-free, but we’re here to disrupt the market, people.
- Other brand(s) we recommend: If there’s a recession, Carlo Rossi. If there’s a societal collapse, Night Train.
DL Tristan Walker + Allbirds
- Class: Freshman
- Hometown: Madison, Alabama
- Why we chose Skechers: Have you ever gone out for a stroll and felt the gentle caress of those eco-friendly Wool Runners? It’s like a never-ending feet hug.
- Other brand(s) we recommend: The Texas Ranger Division
LB Kyle Flood Jr. + Sandbags.com
- Class: Junior
- Hometown: Middlesex, New Jersey
- Why we chose Sandbags.com: Climate change
- Other brand(s) we recommend: The Halo franchise
WR Kendrick Law + Kirkland & Ellis
- Class: Freshman
- Hometown: Shreveport, Louisiana
- Why we picked Kirkland & Ellis: As the No. 1 law firm in the world by total revenue, Kirkland & Ellis is the Alabama football of BigLaw.
- Other brand(s) we recommend: Clifford Chance, Skadden, Jones Day… does it matter? Whoever’s paying.
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WR Grant Krieger + Warrior Sports
- Class: Senior
- Hometown: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
- Why we chose Warrior Sports: The sportswear company may have manufactured Liverpool FC’s kits for three seasons, but they were born in the Rust Belt — much like this wideout whose last name happens to be German for “warrior.”
- Other brand(s) we recommend: The FXX original animated series Archer
WR Bret Bolin / OL Tanner Bowles + the PBA (Professional Bowlers Association)
- Class: Redshirt senior / Redshirt junior
- Hometown: Lemont, Illinois / Glasgow, Kentucky
- Why we picked the PBA: Walter Sobchak doesn’t roll on Shabbos, and unless it’s a bye week, neither will these guys. That’s perfect symmetry. Let’s get working on some custom XXL “Who do you think you are? I am!” t-shirts as quickly as possible.
- Other brand(s) we recommend: American Sailing Association / Weedmaps
TE Elijah Brown + UPS
- Class: Freshman
- Hometown: Dayton, Ohio
- Why we chose UPS: Faster than the Postal Service
- Other brand(s) we recommend: No backup plan here. Bet on yourself.
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